- #tw self harm
- #tw self-harm
- #tw selfharm
- #self harm
- #tw suicide
- #tw eating disorder
- #eating disorder
- #mental illness
- #mental sickness
- #tw cutting
- #karkat vantas
- #homestuck fanart
- #tw blood
- #tw bleeding
Shaming people who take medication for mental illness kills.
I didn’t go on any medication for YEARS because my dad spouted off about “happy pills” and zombification and such.
I’m hardly the only person who’s been through similar.
Indeed, I only started medication after fighting my way through many, many screaming matches with my father and marching him to the doctor so the doctor could explain how the pills work.
I am lucky that I had the strength then to fight. Dealing with a mental illness and having to cope with unsupportive, shaming awfulness? That asks for energy that many people do not have, because being mentally ill is fucking exhausting.
If you want to attack big pharma, then fucking attack big pharma. Stop pointing your guns at us.
Dealing with a mental illness andhaving to cope with unsupportive, shaming awfulness
So irritated, that here comes another one of Patrica’s bitching posts!
So it’s been pretty obvious that this one guy likes me, and as I mentioned yesterday he admitted to it, and asked me to date. I told him that I didn’t know if it would be a good idea right now with the way *I* am with all my baggage from still recently being hurt. I’m having so many conflicts about trusting people and insecurity.
But you know what? I’m tempted to seriously just tell him okay! Just to get my MOTHER off my fucking ass about how I should get into a relationships with this man who is EXACTLY one of the “typical” types of men that I spoke of in my past. He’s 35, chubby-big, balding…AND HE HAS A FUCKING 6 YEAR OLD SON!!
I am getting SO upset with her trying to push him on me, and what’s worse are the reasons why she wants me to date him! First of all, doesn’t she know me at all (of course not). He’s completely the OPPOSITE Of the type of look I find attractive in guys, AND even worse, he has a fucking kid!
She only wants me to date him because he’s the brother of one of her co-workers, and he’s “So lonely, just like you—and he’s attractive!” No, fuck you.
I put my foot down pretty hard with her, several times, telling her I don’t even want to be FRIENDS with people who have kids, and to STOP trying to get me to date this guy.
Then to just fucking slap me even more, she throws this line at me. “Well Tammy and I would think you two would be perfect for each other, because he’s schizophrenic. He has mental illness just like you!”
Thank you for being like everyone else who views me as ill, just because the fucking charts say that if you have mental challenges, even if it’s just depression and anxiety, you are sick.
I don’t know how many times I said no to her. Then as if to “buy” me, he co-worker gets me a bunch of expensive free “girly” stuff like these high-class lotions and body creams, that my mom was SURE to mention that it costs over $100. WTF. Seriously! I didn’t even want them or ask for them. She just *did* it without me even knowing. They are still sitting in that damn paper bag my mom dropped them off in.
Well you know what? If you’re so set on hooking me up with someone because they are mentally ill, then maybe I should just date the guy that is at least my style (slender, smooth-non-hairy-beast), because you know what? He’s bi-polar! So he’s “sick” too! Now won’t we just be the perfect couple then?
OH WOW and just to make me feel ever BETTER today, my dad *just* sent me a text saying “We are going over to Ed Kirby’s today. You can come with us if you want.”
I want to go with you to the house of the man who sexually molested me that YOU know about.
Fuck it. I’m going to go have that coffee date.
I can’t stop throwing up…my nose is bleeding…I’ve never felt this kind of pain before…it hurts me so much mentally, that I’m hurting even more physically…
And what’s even worse is that this has all happened a week before my trip…I’ve been in a horrible state…I don’t…want to go to Japan like this(I don’t want to live like this)…a trip I have been saving little by little for over 5 years for…
He told me not to be afraid of him…he told me to always speak my mind…he told me to never back down…because I was doing that out of the fear that he would leave me if I said something he didn’t agree with or like…and I did…and I said those things in a bad manner…
It was on the same day where he wrote on his tumblr how he didn’t want to be at work and wanted to be cuddling me…and sending me all these texts about how he loves me, misses me, wants to be with me…and hearts and emotes and *actions* and everything…
Then I asked him about something…I said something that wasn’t right to which we didn’t agree…and within minutes time, I got spoken to in a tone that I never heard from him before in all our 3 years (would be 4 come Nov.)…
And then besides the issue with the family that I got wrongly upset about, he wanted to do something that night (and in the future) that I didn’t agree with…that he wouldn’t talk to me about first…
And then he never came home…wouldn’t tell me where he was or anything..he just told me that he needed to clear his head and to let him be…he’s always been so loving in all his texts and words to me…never like this…
..I don’t know what happened to make him be so resistant to the point where he told me later this week that he had to think about our relationship and have a break…all I want is for him to talk to me…to give me a bit of comfort and words, to help me stop worrying before I leave…then he will be free of me for 2 weeks…
…Is that so much to ask? I know I’m probably pissing him off with posting this publicly, but I SERIOUSLY don’t know what is going on…and I am looking for HELP. I’m looking for some sort of closure that he is not offering me, so that’s why I’m posting this, is because I’m wondering if anyone out there can explain this to me…help me understand the human mind and provide me with any answers to ease me a little so that I don’t end up dying…I know that may sound really extreme, but I cannot even keep even water down…I’m having nose bleeds…I’m shaking non stop…because I love him more than anything…and he told me he loved me more than anything and that he would’t leave me again…and we both said the moment we saw one another that we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives with one another…
I understand giving him space from me…but all I am asking if he would /talk/ to me about the things we have disagreements on first (or whatever I did to make him run away so hard like this) so that he can clear his head properly during our break…and for the few minutes that I had while I was talking to him at his work (since that’s the ONLY way I ended up seeing him is if I literally went in), I told him over and over I would listen to him and work/compromise with him…but he simply didn’t wan’t to see me or talk to me…
…and that’s the part I don’t understand…because I know I overstepped my boundaries with my insecurities…but I don’t understand how our disagreement on a couple things deserves this ignoring and lack of love to this extreme at me…and that’s what I am confused about and needing answers on. It’s consuming me…
And the reason why I also decided to write about this now, is because this all got so much more painful today and brought up so many more questions when I went outside and found a pair of special shorts he was making for me in a bag…they looked like that had been half done…ready to be sewed…like he was working on them at his parent’s house the night of our disagreement, but then stopped…so I’m wondering if something happened between going to his parents house and (???) that made him decide not to come home? I have no idea and it’s killing me since he won’t talk to me…
I just wish he would talk to me for a little bit and look at me one more time before I leave for Japan…that’s all I’m asking…please.
At least that’s what it’s like for me.